Bollocks

Hi,

I am by nature a cynic. I especially hate those "the world is a wonderful place, God loves you, isn't everything great, its all for a reason' bullshit e mails that people tend to forward on to everyone in their e mail list without thinking.

Like my friend Andrea (who is lovely BTW) who sent me this little internet gem

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you..
2. No man or woman is worth your tears, & the one who is, won't make you cry.
3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have....
4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand & touches your heart.
5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can' t have them
6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
8. Don't waste your time on someone, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.
9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
11.. There' s always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting & just be more careful about who you trust next time around..
12. Make yourself a better person & know who you are before you try & know someone else & expect them to know you.
13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.
REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

Now I usually would have just desided to ignore such a soppy pile of shite, and got on with my day. But I was feeling even more jaundiced than usual, and decided to fight back.

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because you made me a cup of tea
2. No man or woman is worth your tears, but there are plenty who are worth a slapping
3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, usually means they are religious and what you want is banned in Leviticus

4. A true friend is someone who tells you to stop acting a twat
5. The worst way to miss someone is to aim to high, aim lower and you might hit something vital anyway

6. Never frown, even when you are sad, Just keep a steely resolve to get the bastard back some day.
7. To the world you may be one person, and therefore TOTALLY insignificant. Deal With It.
8. Don't waste your time on someone, who isn't willing to put out on the second date at least.
9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful. And because He is a dick like that
10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened And because you secretly shagged his best mate behind his back
11.. There' s always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is get your retaliation in first
12. Make yourself a better person & know who you are before you try & know someone else & expect them to know you. However if, like me, you are perfect, then everyone will love you anyway. So why bother?
13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you use lube.
REMEMBER: SHIT HAPPENS, JUST MAKE SURE IT HAPPENS TO SOMEONE ELSE.

Happily Andrea is still on speaking terms with me.

Be Good!