Interview with Pontius Pilate

This is an unusual blog for me, as it is an imagined interview with Pontius Pilate done for Myk, who is compiling a thingy with this kind of stuff on it, so here goes:

I travelled back in time, posing as a reporter for the Roman Times to interview Polntius Pilate. I was led into the private chambers of the prefect of Judea, and ultimate power in this part of the Roman Empire. I wanteed specifically to ask him about the trail and forthcoming execution of Jesus of Nazereth, an itinerant preacher from Gallilee.

Me: Good Afternoon, Mr Pilate..
PP: Please, call me Pontius.
Me: Er.. OK Pontius.. May I first say what an honour it is to speak to the repreasentative of Rome...
PP. Please, don't kiss ass, I hate ass kissers, like those bloody Pharisees, bunch of knob jockeys, they allways "Great Leader this and, Hounorable that".. I know that as soon as my back is turned they call me names and stuff. I hate them all!
Me: Errr..
PP. AND THOSE FUCKING SCRIBES!!!
Me: OK, OK, No ass kissing... Jesus..
PP. Oh fuck not him again I tell you I am pissing sick of that guy
ME: Er.. Why?
PP. Those bloody Pharisees have been trying to get me to kill that irritating son of a God for the last week, but I'm having none of it.
Me: What exactly is he charged with?
PP. Sedition. But I am at a loss why the Pharisees are up in arms over this dude..
Me: Er..
PP: Y'see, In he comes, talking 'bout love thy brother, and not judging, and other stuff, and the Pharisees don't give a toss..
Me: Er..
PP: But then he goes and disrupts the buisness, knocking over the money lenders tables and stuff. Now he has thier full attention!
Me: Er...
PP: y'see, it's easy for us Romans, as our religion allows us to do whatever we like, Whatever form of depravity and immorality you want to get up to, there is some God out there who did it first.
Me: Err..
PP: Want to screw your sister?, Jupiter did that, shag a swan?.. Been there done that..Turn into a Bull and..
Me: Yes I get it , I get it..
PP: Dont sas me boy! Ill whup your ass..
Me: Sorry
PP: OK. Where was I? Oh yeah. But Judaism as those moral things, and piety and stuff.
Me: I don't understand..
PP: Well this Jesus guy walks in and points out that the authorities round here ain't following the rules of the game, its got a few guys thinking that the reason thier God has let us guys take over, is because of the shit behaviour of the Pharisees and stuff.
Me: So they are going to kill Jesus because he is setting a good example?
PP: Basically, but disrupting the cash flow really pissed them off
Me: But you could have stopped it
PP: Well the trouble is it is a religious matter, and we allow freedom of religious expression in the Roman Empire. So I had to give it back to them. They only tried to get me to do it so that if it all went tits up, they could blame me. I ain't no fool.
Me: So what happens now?
PP: I told them not to go after this guy, y'see, he is harmless now, he isn't a violent dude, and he isn't even preaching against the rule of Roman Law. There is some stuff 'bout kingdom of Heaven and stuff, but nothing too heavy.
Me: Err..
PP: But as soon as he is dead, then I guarantee that he will become some kind of folk hero, a martyr, and before you know it, those Parisses will have themselves a situation.
Me: So what do you think they will do?
PP: Oh they are going to kill him, humiliate him, to "Set an example" This will come back to bite them on the ass I tell you..
Me: Err
PP: But its his wife and kids I feel sorry for.. Aparently they are in hiding, and going to travel to Gaul on holiday to get over the trauma.. Poor loves, it fills me up I tell you..

At this point I terminated the interview as he needed to compose himself, In a coda to this story, Pilate was brought forward 2000 years to see the results of his actions. This is what he said
PP: Hahahahahahaahaha... I was right! I bloody told them this would come back to bite them on the ass!