Friday, April 13, 2018

It's been a while...

I have decided to start blogging again...

I started blogging a long time ago, and really loved it, but then I stopped working night shifts and my Daughter was born.

One removed the opportunity to write uninterrupted, the other removed the need to intospect; its amazing how the kind of fierce love one has at my advanced age for a little girl can throw ones axis off.

In the 8 years since she has grown, and so have I... sideways. Which is where the tale starts

I have had a number of health issues over the last 3 years. I wont bore you, but this has meant that I stopped exercising, and the result of this is that I am now much easier to see than I was.

Yesterday I went to see my GP about...stuff, and he did that thing that strikes horror into any 49 year olds the other thing; you can do that with a blood test (I would doubt the motivation of any GP who still does the 'finger test')

The rotter got out the scales...

Now, there is no need to share what it said, but it was 3 figures.

I am not a vain man, I genuinely have no care about how I look as the guys that mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind, but I do care about my family and my health, and when your GP explains in no uncertain terms that one is putting your life at risk by eating burgers, then I am gong to stop eating burgers

Wine however is another story. You have to have something, right?

So I am on a diet. I announced this to my lovely wife, who looked sceptical as I have often been known to disparage the diet industry as a sham based upon destroying someones self confidence to make money.

I am doing it differently though. To the best of my ability I will no longer eat cheese and carbohydrates. Bread, potatoes, bagels, pasta, muffins and cakes are no more.

If this works I will be happy. No one likes being fat, but we like nice stuff more.

Lets see how this goes.

Whilst waiting to get a blood test yesterday the song 'If I fell' by the Beatles came over the Radio. For those who dont know the song the lyrics are:

If I fell in love with you
Would you promise to be true
And help me understand
'Cause I've been in love before
And I found that love was more
Than just holding hands
If I give my heart to you, I must be sure
From the very start
That you would love me more than her
If I trust in you oh please
Don't run and hide
If I love you too oh please
Don't hurt my pride like her
Cause I couldn't stand the pain
And I would be sad if our new love was in vain
So I hope you see that I
Would love to love you
And that she will cry
When she learns we are two
'Cause I couldn't stand the pain
And I would be sad if our new love was in vain
So I hope you see that I
Would love to love you
And that she will cry
When she learns we are two
If I fell in love with you

A beautiful song, from an innocent age right? I think not... Lets do a bit of analysis and I'll paraphrase

1; If I'm with you, you must be exclusive to me
2: a relationship with me must include sex
3: You must shag me immediately, unlike my current Girlfriend
4: Withholding sex attacks my pride, so commit now to bumping uglies, or I wont bother
5: You are hot and I would like having sex with you, and this will hurt my current girlfriend (twice)

Now how this got past the censor in 1964 I don't know, but any Gangsta rapper wort his salt would be thrilled to produce a lyric as cold hearted and mysogenistic as this. 

You gotta love John Lennon right? What a humanitarian.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Playing live, a musicians guide

Here are some tips for aspiring musicians when playing in front of people other than your Mam:

1. Don't look at your shoes (unless they are really awesome, like Elton John's in Tommy), the audience is like a pack of wolves and can smell fear. If you are scared, they will attack, or worse, ignore you.

2. Tune your instruments before starting playing.
You aren't getting paid? no reason not to be professional

3. Write out a setlist.
And for God's sake don't say 'any requests?' There are thousands of songs in the world, the likelihood that you will get asked to play something you know is tiny.

4. Be proficient at the song you are doing.
Believe me the audience does not like you yet, unless you impress they will walk and you will feel like shite. Being in a bad band is slightly more embarrassing than that dream where you are in work and you realize you forgot to wear trousers.

5. Jokes: Don't!
Unless you are blessed with a total disregard for the opinion of the audience, because you will become nervous telling/making the joke, it will fall flat, and you absolutely will look a cock.

6. Enjoy it!
Having fun is infectious, if you are so nervous it feels like torture, you will be better of writing bad poetry in your bedroom. See all those old guys not in a band? you will be surprised how many of them were in a band and decided it wasn't for them, no shame in that.

7 Drink/Drugs: No!!
Chemical assistance may feel like a good idea when getting on stage, it isn't. To get rid of nerves on Alcohol requires you be pissed, and no one plays well when shitfaced. Speed reduces you accuracy if you are a guitarist and is poison for drummers, and cocaine turns you average egotistical wanker (or guitarist/singer) into Fred Durst. If you cant do it straight, them don't do it at all.

8. Expect rejection.
If you took Led Zepplin at their best and made them play at a old man's pub on a Thursday there is a fair chance the audience would just ignore them.

9 Screw the Audience's opinion
Opinions are like assholes, everyones got one but I don't need to hear it. I don't care what the audience think as most of them are idiots, and if they weren't they would be playing themselves.

10. Don't try and be a Star#1
The point of music at the lower level is to express oneself and to enjoy the process; stardom and money are side products of that. If you try and get into music to be rich and famous you will be disappointed, either because you will still be poor and obscure, or if you get fame you will not enjoy it. Whats the point of fame for fames sake? As Ricky Gervais said, if you want to be famous, murder a nun.

11. Don't try and be a Star#2
What worked for David Bowie will not work for you. If you walk into a School Muso Night in a faux fur coat, wearing glitter and platforms, treating the audience like they are privileged to gaze on your magnificence you will get called a tool when performing and likely get a kicking later on. Be Honest!

12. Papa Don't Preach!
You are not a politician, you are not a Philosopher, you are not Christopher Hitchens or the Dalai Lama, the audience did not come to hear you talk, they came to listen to badly played 70's rock anthems like Sweet Home Alabama.

Bono is in the Worlds Biggest Band. Everyone thinks he is a twat. Ask yourself why is that? You are worried about the forests/fish/starving millions/cars etc? So is everyone else but no one gives a toss what you think you spotty little tool.

Being a musician is brilliant, I love that shit, but I do it because I want to do it, and I don't care what everyone else thinks; I play my own music and I don't crave the audiences approval, which is more than likely why I enjoy it so much..

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Creativity, Sport and Alcohol

I can't remember who said it (though I think it was Winston Churchill) but you haven't lived if you haven't been a poet at least once in your life. I have written a lot of poetry, some of it very bad indeed.

Here is my poetic thoughts on last nights England/Argentina Rugby game

All together, we are friends we all
To prey at the church of the oval ball
We have the nibbles, we have the brew
Dead animals cook on the barbecue
by 8:30, we are in the mood
Chock full of beer, bellies full of food
What can possibly spoil this scene?
England are playing the Argentine

This game is played at a sleepy snails pace
Plenty of kick, but precious little chase
There is no flair, no one can deny
Its more interesting watching paint dry
A dire game, kill the lights, make it dark
Steriod-fuelled morons strolling in the park
Why cant both sides look at themselves and see
This game's a crime against Humanity

Stop this game, of thee all I beg
I'm so bored I could chew off my leg
You killed this game, no flair, no art
You brainless morons should stick to darts.

As you an guess I didn't enjoy the game.

Personally if winning Rugby looks like this, I'm glad the Welsh lose.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Its been a while,

Funny how time flies. I used to blog, if not weekly, then at least a couple of times a month, but I know I haven't done so in about 2 years.


I think I ran out of things to say. I lost the ability to be of interest to myself, and so I spared the World the tedium of my own boring NZ paradise. But now life has got fun again!!!

Firstly, I have a new baby!! Ysabel is a joy to me that I cant describe, she is a continuing and constant source of the most giddy and exultant happiness that it makes my heart sing just looking at her gummy gorgeous smile.

Secondly my career is awesome, which also means I am constantly knackered. C'est la vie, I would rather be shattered than bored.

Thirdly musically I am now happier than ever, I am writing, and people like my shite, my Daughter even dances to it!!

Which is nice

Lasty, but not leastly I love my Family, and I love my Wife, even though shagging is a now and again thing due to babiezzz. That will change, but my love won't.

21 years beatchez!! beat that!!!

Chill, and , yes, I have been drinking


Tuesday, April 20, 2010


I don't blog enough...

I was looking through my Multiply contacts, like I often do, when I realized that I haven't blogged in MONTHS, and after I promised as well.

So here goes,

We have put our house up on the market, so that we can move to another part of Hawkes Bay, a place called Havelock North. Nice place with a nice cinema and a nicer School, also all of my mates live there, so it will save petrol.

If you would like a tour of my house it can be found here Please buy it, I want to move.

I have a new old workmate. When I was but a youngster I was asked to show a prospective employee around the Hospital in which I was a Student. Her name was Angela Woof and I thought she was very nice. She didn't get that job but I worked with her as a student when she did a locum job in Singleton, and as a qualified MRT when I got my first job at Neath.

Later on I worked with her at Bridgend as a grade MRT, and she was my senior, again she was lovely to work with. She got herself promoted to Charge MRT for Neath and I left to go to NZ.

Last year Angela gets in contact with me to ask about how to emigrate, so I help in as best a fashion as I can, she duly emigrates to Hamilton. Then the Team Leader in General Radiography job is advertised, and she is the successful applicant! With the result that I now have a very capable good friend as a work mate.

In order for her to start on time, she had to lodge with me for 4 weeks while they organized their accommodation. This was fun, most people can't stand to be around me for 10 minutes, but we all got on like a house on fire. Plus I got a lift into work!!

Angela understands the business of healthcare, in that how you organise your work has a greater impact on the patient population that how you do your individual patient. Apart from Myself and Chris, the Radiology Business coordinator, this understanding is absent from all the other team leaders.

Its nice to have someone else talk the same language as I do, and in the same accent!

Since I last wrote my cousin has died of complications due to years of Alcohol and drug abuse. He was a sad and troubled lad, but a nice guy who had made a number of bad choices. His Family buy and large had lost patience with him (apart from one Sister and his Mother), which is understandable considering his behavior, but I know that they wish they could turn the clock back. You can't, of course, which is why you should always try to be the better person, even if the other guy has stretched your patience to breaking point.

You never know what is around the corner eh?

One of the nice things about Angela coming here is that she brought her Children. Catrin and Eve are 8 and 13 respectively. Catrin is a lovely, smiley little kid who loves coming to our house and painting fairies with Jacqui. Eve is a teenage girl, with a big personality (and that is not a euphemism).

Ieuan my Son, loves them both.

It is funny to watch as he tries to figure out how to be friends to these girls. With Catrin it is easy, as he just hands her the Cat, plays with and looks after her, but you can see that with Eve he can't get his head around how being friends with her feels different to him. Mostly he just hangs around on the periphery as they talk and play, happy just to be in their company.

It is quite sweet.

Ieuan is quite socially awkward, and he can't do the teenage chat thing, but he is doing OK as it is. He is very innocent, and I hope that continues for a while. Certainly he wants to go to mixed High school now, as I think he has figured that he can meet more girls there, and when he figures out why that is A Good Thing, we might all be in trouble.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Banging your head against a brick wall is a symptom of Aspergers syndrome...

Some of us have kids, this is a statistical fact. That is where the problem starts.

Kids are a problem for society, it appears, because they have needs and yet produce nothing (except crowds of bored teenagers on a Saturday outside Burger King and badly executed graffiti).

It appears that the producers of kids, or "Parents" are a whinging bunch who will try to get preferential treatment for their mewling brats, costing the Government loads of cash, and being all difficult around the place. Demanding things like schools that teach, and food that isn't full of chemistry.

I don't know, some people!

Even more difficult are Parents of 'special needs' kids, demanding ramps and such. Why can't the lazy buggers carry their kids? Once they get to big, put them in a home or hospital!

Are there no workhouses?

Even worse are the kids that look normal, but are not. Kids like Ieuan, my son. Ieuan has Aspergers syndrome. Apparently, so do I, which explains a lot. Like how I could read Shakespeare at 3, but am unable to spell 'thier'. No matter how often that little red line appears, I never get the I and E the right way around.

Also explains why my school days were so miserable. An Aspergers kid in a class full of working class Welsh is like blood in the water. I had a torrid time. I don't want the same for Ieuan.

So, against my gut feeling, I enrolled him in a 'special unit' Initially things looked good, he was sent to mainstream class for Maths, where he excelled, and then went back to his base class to keep in a calm atmosphere. However over the last year, they have not done this, because they don't have the staff. Hence he is bored.

However, he is 13, and has to go to High School. His School has no place for him in their unit, so they want to keep him back. I don't think this is a good idea at all.

Aspergers kids are hyper competitive, but they also benchmark. He sees a class of kids who are (through no fault of their own) no where near the intellectual level that Ieuan is, and he thinks "I am already number 1, why try harder?" This is Ok if you have a career in Apple picking ahead of you, but Ieuan is not becoming an Apple picker unless he has to.

So we have been searching for a school to take him, which may mean that he has to sink or swim. Or we might have to move home. Or get a loan to pay for a Teacher Aide, or Home School Ieuan, or Jacqui might have to work for nothing in the school to release another Teacher Aide.... God knows.

One thing is for certain, I will not allow my Son to have his future prospects ruined by a system that wishes he were more stupid, or less trouble. I won't accept my flesh and blood getting second best because of expediency. Bollocks I will.

I'll go back to Wales first.

What to do with Parents eh? I mean what are kids, except literally the future of humanity.